Why ‘Parental Controls’ Won’t Work, but Family Safety does

The phrase "parental control" is negative, pitting parents their children against each other.  Nobody wants to be controlled, least of all youth trying to find their own identities and gain a measure of independence. The phrase is also offensive to many parents who don't want to control their children; they simply want to help them stay safer online.

Another key flaw of the phrase "parental control" is that it incorrectly implies that only minors need online safety help and content filtering. In reality, everyone who uses the Internet should have the ability to filter content or take safety precautions according to their personal preferences.

Internet safety isn't something you can effectively impose on anyone over the age of ten

Parental control products claiming to make it impossible for kids to do things online without detection and supervision are not only misguided, but misleading. The claim is patently absurd. Youth today have access to the Internet through a wide variety of devices and places, including cell phones and computers at friends’ homes, libraries or cafés. Your ability to lock down all these avenues of Internet access will fail (short of making them a prisoner at home).

A much more positive and appropriate approach is to refocus the functionality, rephrase the terminology, and begin a dialog with your family.

Internet safety tools should aspire to transparency that ensures anyone being monitored can clearly see what restrictions are in place. Stop the spying. Safety tools should focus on giving consumers of any age additional control over their online experience. This should focus on helping consumers establish personal preferences about exposure to the range of material and experiences available on the Internet. They should include reasonable protections so that simple attempts at bypassing the settings, carelessness or accidents won’t circumvent the safeguards. They should also warn people when actions they're about to take online could put them at risk.

Renaming monitoring tools should accompany this shift in functionality. Products with names like PC Tattletale, IamBigBrother, or SniperSpy are hostile and inappropriate in my opinion.  If you want spying technologies you will purchase them. Just don’t claim their purpose is to protect your family.

MSN has taken several steps in the right direction. Their tools have been renamed to Family Safety Settings or simply Safety Settings. Terms which more accurately and positively describe the intent to provide safety benefits to all family members (I'm proud to say I helped drive MSN to adopt the change in focus and terminology).

Understanding the limitations of monitoring tools opens the way to a more collaborative approach to family safety on the Internet that begins with a family conversation. Instead of putting youth in a hostile corner where parental control tools are spying, recording, and tattling on even their safest online conversations and legitimate activities, capitalize on the reality that people of all ages have a basic sense of self preservation and are interested in their own safety most of the time.

Finding the best balance between supervision and independence for youth isn't easy because there is no one-size-fits-all answer. But, how you choose to approach supervision will play a critical role in whether or not young people buy into your safety plan and whether it helps build trust or erodes the trust between you.

Linda